Saturday, February 11, 2017

You vs. Fear

I like a challenge. Sometimes to prevent myself from getting soft, I purposefully walk headlong into a me vs. fear kind of scenario. Like cliff jumping - one of my favorite things to do and also it completely terrifies me. Or a Ragnar Relay. Or hiking in the rain - more like me vs. discomfort but still prevents me from feeling too at ease.

I've been cultivating the creative part of my soul. Growing up I played so many sports I didn't feel like I had time (or enough interest, honestly) to take an art class. I didn't have mental space for anything besides school, sports, and a couple other extra curriculars. I liked it that way though.

As I've gotten older, I've found there is a part of my soul that thrives in creativity. Perhaps it has become more evident as I've found the art forms that speak to me: journaling and film making to start.

It's been a slow process. I've noticed recently that I hold this part of myself back, to a certain degree, hesitant about sharing something that feels so personal, that pieces of my soul go into. I have a nearly full journal but I almost never share it's contents. I have a back log of videos I've made, and those are easier to share, but some remain unwatched by any eyes but mine. I practice guitar only when I'm alone.

Part of me finds value in having these secrets with myself. I'm sure I'll keep a few. But when it's fear blocking me from sharing, from connecting, then there is no choice but to face it head on. So here I am. Practicing sharing, and hopefully therefore connecting, flaws and all. Vulnerability baby.

In this spirit, please enjoy the first film I made: an ode to our honeymoon. Have a few laughs and a few "awwwwww!'s" and maybe keep coming back.

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